Mr. Nice Guy is still floating around the edges.
The problem with him, is that even though I feel none of that magnetic pull towards him, apparently he feels it towards me. He wants me to "commit" to being his girlfriend, and to not see anyone else.
*On a side note, I NEVER thought in my life I would have to define a relationship like that again!*
I told him no, that I have spent the past decade of my life being someones something, and that I am not ready for that. So I have distanced myself from him, telling him that I am not ready for that.
The problem lies in that after so long of being, well let's call it compliment deprived, I like it. It makes me feel like a bad person that I like it, since I don't see it going anywhere.
But part of me doesn't want to kick him completely to the curb, but keep him on the fringe. That sounds horrible when said out loud, or seen in print. But in all honesty, it feels great having someone who doesn't share genetic markers with me telling me that I am beautiful, funny, smart, and on and on. As one person told me, it is like I have to reprogram my brain as to what the new "normal" is for me. I don't want a lap dog. I don't want a push over who will do whatever I say, but I would like to be paid attention to once in awhile.
I have been very clear that my kids come first, and that they always will. But I am not sure how I feel about a man who so readily says, "I know I will never be number one to you, and I am OK with that, I just want to be around" I am not sure.
And then again, there is the lack of spark thing going on too.
So he calls and asks to take me out again, and I push it off.
I want to see how things go with Tuesday. I want to follow that spark and see what happens.
I don't want to settle, and I am not in a rush.
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