I know you are divorced...

The following is an actual event that happened in my weird life.  I am not making this up.  I wish to high heaven that I was...

I am chilling in the living room with my kids watching tv, and the door bell rings.  It is the kid from down the street.  You know, we all have that neighbor kid who we have never spoken to, just a quick wave when we drive by.  Yeah, that kid.  This is the conversation that followed. 

Kid- Can I mow your grass?
Me- Why?
Kid- It looks long, like it needs mowed.
Me- Yes, it does, but I am not paying you.
Kid- No that's ok, I don't want paid, I just want to help you out.
Me- whatever, I am not paying you, but go ahead if you want.

I then go back inside to my kids and start to make their supper.  The kid finishes the front yard and comes to knock on the door again. 

Kid- can you unlock the back gate?
Me- sure 
(as i walk out the front door to the back yard gate, this conversation happens)
Kid- I know you are divorced, so you could, you know, um, pay me, um in the bedroom....
Me- what? uh no, that's not gonna happen. 
Kid- are you sure?
Me- yeah, really sure, that's nor gonna happen.  Nice try. 
Kid- oh, ok, well I will mow your backyard anyway.  I could take care of it all summer for you for free, you know, for one time inside. 
Me- I can mow it myself. 

The kid then goes into the back yard complete with taking off his shirt, and looking up at my kitchen window on every pass. 

I finally resorted to lying and telling him I have a boyfriend.  This kids was persistent, and at one point even said this line "I know you are divorced, you have what I want, and I have what you need."  What?  Who says that?  This kid watches WAY too many bad porn movies. 

Me- Are we seriously having this conversation? 
Kid- I don't know, are we?  
Again, WAY too many movies kid. 
Me- Honey, I am old enough to be your mama.
Kid- yeah, but that's kind of hot. 

He asked if I didn't have a boyfriend if that would change anything, I told him no.  To go home, since he was done with the grass anyway :-) 

Seriously, I can't imagine having the guts to say that to someone.  Crazy.  You just can't make this stuff up!! 

And fyi, I will be mowing my own grass this summer, and every summer after!